TIFU by coming home to my parents house high and forgetting to disconnect my Bluetooth on their speaker

throwaway account. This just happened. it's 3:09 AM. I'm an 18 year old who just graduated high school living with my parents 1 more week before college. I work as a host in a local pizza restaurant, and since a lot of hosts are college kids at their summer jobs, we all decided to throw a little get together to celebrate our summer and saying goodbye before we go back to our respective schools. Our restaurant stays open until midnight on Saturdays, so by the time we all got together it was well past 12:00. We stayed up for hours drinking beer, taking shots, smoking blunts and hookah and we finally just called it a night. I biked home fucked up, and somehow thought the wind was gonna blow all the drug and alcohol smells off me before I got home. I walked into my house rather clumsily, wresting my bike through the door, which woke my dad up from the couch, right next to our big speakers. Idk why he sleeps on the couch, he swears it's comfortable. So anyway I finally go up the stairs to my room and get ready to relax on my bed. I pulled out my phone, and being the dirty teenage I am, I decided to have a wank, with the assistance of Alexis Texas on mobile. I turned the volume up little by little, but I couldn't hear anything. By then I was super horny, so I decided to look up some really freaky shit that's probably illegal. I still couldn't hear anything, so I turned my volume all the way up. Nothing. Me being baked did not feel like figuring out why I didn't have sound, so I just choked my chicken in silence. AND HERES WHERE IT GOT BAD FAST. After about 3 minutes I heard knocking on my door. I thought I was imagining it, so I injured it. I heard knocking again so I freaked out and realized I couldn't answer my bedroom door with a raging boner and reeking of straight blunts. I threw the closest thing I had on to pants near me, my compression shorts from my morning work out, and crawled to the door thinking that nobody would see me if I opened the door from the bottom. When it was opened, I saw my dad standing there, telling me that he has been hearing porn blast through the speakers for the last 3 minutes. So I was sitting there on the ground in the middle of the night, smelling strongly of sweat and weed, looking like I was on drugs, with a fully erect cock, and an understanding that my Bluetooth was still connected to the downstairs speakers from the morning, blasting the horrible sounds of an anal fisting compilation. So yeah, that was on the most embarrassing encounter I've had in my life, I have a weird feeling I might be having a "little talk" with my parents tomorrow morning. TL;DR got high, accidentally had my Bluetooth speaking blasting porn in the middle of the night right next to my dads bed at 3 AM.


View original post [self.tifu]




Comments:

13 Aug 2017 18:10 - +7803
I read Bluetooth and parents house and instantly knew where this TIFU was going.
13 Aug 2017 18:53 - +3580
>Idk why he sleeps on the couch You'll find out, kid. You'll find out.
13 Aug 2017 16:34 - +1217
I hope that made sense, not in the clearest state of mind right now.
13 Aug 2017 18:04 - +977
I can totally empathize OP. I'm a professional, pretty conservative appearing twentysomething lady. I share a duplex with who I assume to be three former frat boys. I had a similar night recently when I got a little too fucked up, came home, and decided to enjoy my own company with some really dirty shit. That had connected to the boys' speakers from when we barbecued the day before. We can't make eye contact at the mailbox anymore, and I deleted the text I got from them telling me about it because I was too embarrassed to read the whole thing. It happens to the best of us!
13 Aug 2017 17:18 - +958
Assert your dominance. Finish right there on the floor. Look him in the eyes if you have to.
13 Aug 2017 17:13 - +753
Plot twist: OP's dad brings him to the grocery store tomorrow and buys him a couple of coconuts
13 Aug 2017 17:13 - +667
>So I decided to look up really freak shit that's probably illegal you're on the list now
13 Aug 2017 19:44 - +381
If my kid did it I would in no way tell mom... Would just not say a thing, until the day I need a favor... I am a dad, not an angel...
13 Aug 2017 18:56 - +304
As a father if that happened to my child, I wouldn't be able to stop laughing about it with my wife. I hope your parents have a sense of humor!
13 Aug 2017 21:17 - +185
Was gonna treat my dick to some frisking, but then I got high. I Found some perfect anal fisting, but then I got high. That's when my old man caught me, and I know why (why man) yeah yeah Because I got high Because I got high Because I got high
13 Aug 2017 17:14 - +171
You own the house now.
13 Aug 2017 19:06 - +97
This almost happened to me on a business trip. I wasn't stoned or anything, but i left the porn open on my phone and ny bluetooth connected to the car. I was able to catch it before anything happened... Omfg. Biggest fear.
13 Aug 2017 19:40 - +96
/u/Waterguy12
13 Aug 2017 17:44 - +78
This reads like greentext.
13 Aug 2017 17:44 - +60
Holy crap this is the best tifu I have ever seen. We all have nightmare jerk stories but this tops everything I've heard before. Respect buddy
13 Aug 2017 19:17 - +48
> anal fisting compilation I bet your dad just wants the link.
13 Aug 2017 20:33 - +42
>and crawled to the door thinking that nobody would see me if I opened the door from the bottom. Oh man, so awesome. The sort of logic that works out when you're pissed and stoned is hilarious.
13 Aug 2017 21:07 - +41
Dude, I have to tell you that THIS is the greatest story I have read on Reddit in a long fucking time. Shit around here has been depressing lately and while I'm sure this wasn't a great time for you, it was a blast for me. It's 8am, I'm on the back porch, holding my stomach from laughing so hard at some of the funniest shit I've read in awhile. If this wasn't true, I'd still love it. My favorite part is how you claim not to know why your dad sleeps on the couch. And if his life doesn't suck bad enough right now, you come in, wild fucked up, and rock him out of bed with the sounds of violent anal porn. Holy shit bro you are a fucking riot. I am never having kids. Note: I'm recovering from a very serious and painful surgery. Dude, laughter is the medicine. Thank you so much. I needed this.
13 Aug 2017 20:38 - +33
> so I decided to look up some really freaky shit that's probably illegal You have to tell us what you watched now.
13 Aug 2017 18:07 - +33
My dad would of beat me if i was blasting porn at 3am, your pretty lucky
13 Aug 2017 18:50 - +32
These things happen, thankfully us older crowd didn't have the tech to make these mistakes but we made similar ones. You'll be embarrassed af but it's really not a big deal. As for the drugs and alcohol... Well almost everyone has tried it at one point or another.. You'll probably cop some flack for it but honestly it's no biggie. :)
13 Aug 2017 19:01 - +30
Oh man, every TIFU I've read for the most part I think something like "what kind of fucktard tries to romance a coconut" but this is juuuuust relatable enough to be absolute gold to me. You'll be fine OP. You're going off to college, which is the perfect opportunity to fake your death and never see your family again.
13 Aug 2017 18:30 - +28
This must be a huge pain in the ass for you
13 Aug 2017 17:54 - +22
I'm googling Alexis Texas right now.
13 Aug 2017 20:58 - +21
*sees bluetooth* "its gonna be porn... yup"
13 Aug 2017 18:22 - +20
Just say it wasn't you.
13 Aug 2017 19:15 - +15
Don't worry. Anal fisting is vanilla. Your parents have probably done more freaky stuff.
13 Aug 2017 19:49 - +10
Update us in the morning please.
13 Aug 2017 20:38 - +10
I've been up all night so I thought you said you talked dirty to Alexa, which I think is that Amazon device that controls the home 😂 but seriously I think dad is in the doghouse. If it makes you feel better, he's probably smoked weed and jacked off to porn at your age, just without bluetooth speakers.
13 Aug 2017 21:09 - +9
He listened for 3 minutes? He probably beat that dad dick before confronting you
13 Aug 2017 20:31 - +6
With all the bad shit going on in the world sometimes you need an accidental parent overhearing anal fisting compilation story
13 Aug 2017 22:28 - +6
Why did he wait 3 minutes before coming up? Did he have a wank himself first?
13 Aug 2017 19:43 - +6
U have to post update!!
13 Aug 2017 18:54 - +5
*turning off Bluetooth*

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