My daughter just got admitted to a psych unit for trying to kill herself after she was raped and I can't hold it together

I am a single father. I just got home from the hospital and I feel so defeated and like everything has crashed and burned today. Long story short, this morning I walked in on my daughter sitting on the floor of her bedroom, about to hang herself. We have a great relationship and I even have permission to enter her room if she didn't answer my knocking for a minute because she's always using noise canceling headphones. I went to ask her where our dog's harness was, and upon opening the door I just saw her sobbing violently but silently, and looking at the noose hanging in her closet. I knew exactly what it was and I ran to her and yanked it out of her hand. I told her we had to go to the ER and she began yelling at me. So I ended up calling 911 because I could not physically force her to go on my own. In the ER, at first she was angry and would not allow me to stay in her room, but she did get calmer and actually asked me to stay because she was scared. We talked to nurses, doctors, and social workers; they were able to get through to her and she admitted how suicidal she was and confided in them that she had been raped by a friend's relative a month prior. So they decided to admit her, and that's where we are now. I'm going to visit her every day with her favorite snacks and books. She will be discharged home in (predicted) 7-10 days and I'm looking into getting her a therapist or even a higher level of care if needed. I'm researching trauma and suicide so I can better understand this whole thing. But I'm still so lost and i failed her because I didn't fucking notice what was going on. What else do I do?

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14 Jan 2018 11:33 - +11025
You didn’t fail her. I can’t begin to understand the situation you’re in so my only advice is - keep being there for her. You’re doing a wonderful job.
14 Jan 2018 11:50 - +7754
The worst part of my mom finding out I was molested was the fact that she thought (and probably still thinks) it was in someway her fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Just continue to love and support your daughter. Please do not ask her over and over again for forgiveness. It is not your fault; it is not her fault. Don’t make her feel guilty for your guilt as well. Trust me. Thank you for being there for her.
14 Jan 2018 12:32 - +5669
1. You are doing the right thing and you’re doing an amazing job. 2. Don’t ask her questions about the rape; doing so can force her to replay the event over in her head more than she already is. Asking her about the assault can also cause her to question if you believe her. If she wants to discuss what happened, let her lead the conversation. 3. Ask staff at the hospital for resources. There are groups that can support you and your daughter. 4. It’s okay to break down and acknowledge that you are not okay right now. Someone hurt your baby and you have every right to feel terrible. However, do NOT blame yourself for what has happened. The only person who could have prevented the assault was the rapist himself. I wish you and your daughter well; you two will get through this. She has an amazing dad.
14 Jan 2018 11:23 - +4014
You did the right thing. Inpatient care is scary and a little traumatic in itself but ultimately you can't get better if you're not alive and they will keep her alive.
14 Jan 2018 11:26 - +1394
This breaks my heart.. being a victim myself.. My advice is just to be there for her as best you can, listen when she needs to talk but don't force her to talk, give her a calm and loving environment & make sure to check on her every so often. Right now she needs you, emotionally and physically. Being in the hospital before myself, it was the worst feeling ever to not have someone in my corner during that time. Make her feel safe and protected as best you can but just make sure you don't go overboard since i understand emotions are high and you might not know when is too much? She's probably very scared so make sure to be reassuring and nurturing as well. Ask her about what she wants and try and give her choices for things, make her feel in control. That's really important right now, she feels out of control of everything & unsteady most likely. And overall just be there and be attentive. She needs you, and it sounds just from this post that you're a great dad and you really care. Hopefully she's able to heal over time & i wish you nothing but the best. ♡ (Edit: forgot to add a sentence)
14 Jan 2018 13:04 - +1234
I don't know how old is your daughter, but I am 19. My best friend was raped two and a half years ago. I knew about her rape incident almost 5 months after it happened and I was the first person she told. We used to live together with my friend in a boarding school, and I still had to pull the words out of her mouth. I also had to convince her to go and see an adult about this almost 7 months after the incident. Why am I saying this? Nobody noticed that my friend was raped. She was developing PTSD and having panic attacks all this time and nobody knew what is going on. We were a bunch of teenagers living literally in bunks next to each other and telling our darkest things to one another and still.. nobody knew. it is not your fault, sir. We can never truly know what resides inside another human being even if it was our own flesh and blood. I was so happy when I read that you're supporting her during her time at the psych unit. Support is all she needs now. and she also needs professional help even after she exits the unit. There needs to be time when her doctor should tell you that she is okay and good to go. I'm really sorry this happened to you and her. Rape is something that changes people's lives. My friend now is studying at her dream school, she has sexual\romantic encounters like any other girl in our age. She is dealing with the PTSD way better now, and barely gets symptoms. Bear in mind that this is two years and a half later. My advice in short: Let her take her time. Keep on being the awesome\amazing dad you are. Keep doing what you're doing now. With enough time, she will become better. She will change after this, for sure. But my friend turned into a powerful woman who doesn't take anyone's shit. I hope your girl gets the courage to put that bastard behind the bars some day because that is the only place he deserves to be right now. You are a great dad. you're not the person to blame. now it's the time for you and your daughter to love yourselves and one another. Only love can save you two <3
14 Jan 2018 11:30 - +778
You've done the right thing - professional medical care is very much needed right now. People can be very, very good at hiding trauma sometimes. I'd recommend you also find a counselor to help you as you help your daughter come back from this. Keeping her for 7-10 days is actually a good sign. Too many places will bring people in and push them back out before they're ready. Be her advocate while she's in care. Speak to those caring for her to find out what you can do. You sound like a loving father and I'm glad you'll be there for her.
14 Jan 2018 11:39 - +405
You have won the 'Best dad ever award!' Sometimes these things are tough as what's right still feels wrong. Although I don't envy your situation, I hope that if some day I am presented with it I will handle it as well as you have. Hang in there. She is where she can get help. You are a great father.
14 Jan 2018 12:13 - +269
File a police report on the person who assaulted your daughter. It might be too late to prove anything but it might not. It also might be the thing that prevents this person's next victim from suffering the same pain.
14 Jan 2018 11:36 - +187
I was in a similar situation. My parents never waivered in their support. I got through it. I wouldn't have if it wasn't for them. Show up to visit her while she's there. Get her in therapy. Listen to her. Make sure she knows it was not her fault.
14 Jan 2018 12:31 - +168
Be there. Care. Get her help. You know, the things you’re already doing. Also... * When my dad found out I was being abused by a relative, he told me we weren’t going to do anything about it because no one would believe me. The abuse continued for three more years (on top of the ~6 already gone by at that point) and culminated in the relative raping me. To this day, I have to endure being in this person’s presence at every major family event and holiday. * When my mom found out I was cutting myself, and frequently badly enough that I should’ve received medical attention, she threatened me to try and get me to quit because “if your father founds out he’ll use it to get custody of you.” Instead of quitting, I got creative with my cutting locations and opted for quantity over depth. It wasn’t abnormal for me to cut myself 100+ times in a single session for over two years. These are examples of parents failing their daughter. You have not. Guilt is normal, and you’ll have to work through that, but trust me - you’ve done nothing wrong.
14 Jan 2018 13:23 - +131
On a purely practical level: I've been hospitalized for the same before and my dad was my rock. The thing about being in the psych unit is even when you know it's what you need, it's **BORING AS HELL.** Especially if you're used to a smartphone and internet access. Time goes so slowly; it's like a never-ending power outage where you're a toddler and authority figures are looking for any tiny reason to put you in time-out. Bring her a little surprise each day. A magazine, book, or journal, simple comforts like new pajamas or chapstick or mascara (even if they keep the mascara at the nurses' station it helps you feel normal). I'm not saying go out and buy a ton of stuff, it's not quantity or quality that matters, but *newness* does matter. This is a fresh start for her, and very simple things that help her keep her mind occupied and feel like she is "taking care" of herself go a long way. I was 25 and had to ask my dad to buy me underwear which in any other scenario would've been humiliating but the whole experience was so incredibly invasive that the alternative of asking my dad to go into my underwear drawer was one boundary I still had control over. I swear to god, the plain old Hanes underwear he brought me made me feel like a new woman living in luxury. Simple things. eta: Avoid anything with hoods, strings, liquids, or metal bindings, they likely won't be allowed. I had a nurse barge in on me in the shower because she reconsidered letting me take a hairbrush into the bathroom. A HAIRBRUSH? Still don't understand that one
14 Jan 2018 11:56 - +119
I just want to say OP, that while this is tough and a horrible thing to experience, her anger is good. My sister was put in a mental hospital for a few months because she attempted suicide 3 times. In that time, she told our parents that she hated them for trapping here there, etc. The doctors told us that even though it hurt, her anger was a positive sign. That her emotions had not shut down and that was expressing herself, something suicidal people often don't do. It's venting frustration. It's relieving some of the stress. It's getting it off her chest. You're in for a rough ride, and I'm so sorry for that. But be strong and just love her. You two can pull through this. My sister has been healthy and happy for 7 years now. She loves to paint, it calms her down in a much for healthy way than suicide or anger ever did. My heart goes out to you. Be strong. You saved her life, now be the rock she needs.
14 Jan 2018 11:48 - +79
You are doing everything right. While she is safe at the hospital please take some time to cry and do whatever will help you get through this. She might be angry at first, but give her time. Check to see what sort of regional mental health services are available. Also, RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network) has a crisis hotline for once she gets out. 24/7 trained crisis workers that can be reached via phone or online if she ends up in another emergency situation.
14 Jan 2018 13:06 - +58
I was sexually abused when I was younger and I was suicidal for many years. You did the best thing for her. She will absolutely get through this and so will you. I've had to take someone I love to the ER before because they were trying to kill themselves. Your mind and heart have been traumatized by this and you need to care for yourself right now, while your daughter is being cared for by professionals. The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is EXACTLY what you're doing: educate yourself, get some help for you as well, and be ready to back her up no matter what because this will be a long process for her. On a side note: if she approaches you to talk about what happened (and let HER approach you), no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much you want to rip everyone's face off with your teeth, listen to her calmly. Don't say anything, unless she asks you a direct question. Ask permission to hug her, tell her nothing was her fault, and ask if she wants you to do anything for her. Nobody ever said that to me and that's the only thing I ever wanted.
14 Jan 2018 13:18 - +48
As someone who has been in those places several times: please bring her books and slippers. If the place allows it, bring her her toiletries. The books and slippers are KEY though. I would go out and get a really nice pair of slippers too.
14 Jan 2018 11:56 - +47
Can you speak with a counselor or a therapist that is trained to help family members deal with circumstances like this for your own peace of mind? You have a week to sort out the rest of the details. Take a day or two to (mostly) process your emotions, to work through any negativity you're feeling right now, and then start on a game plan for the next steps. Stay strong. Love you, friend.
14 Jan 2018 11:45 - +47
Visiting her and bringing her stuff she likes will be great. She will remember that you cared.
14 Jan 2018 13:28 - +46
This is a support post. [All non-supportive comments will be removed. This includes asking for proof, and trying to debate. If you want a debate, you are welcome to start a separate thread.](
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +42
All I can say is this- do not think for a second that you weren't there for her. It's exactly because you ARE there for her that you kept her from making the biggest(& last) mistake of her life. Hold on to that through this. All you can do now is make sure that she KNOWS that you are always going to be there for her, unconditionally. You sound like a good man, & an amazing father. Your daughter is lucky to have you & you are even luckier to have her.
14 Jan 2018 12:43 - +41
I going to ask this, because it sometimes gets over looked. How are you doing, Dad?
14 Jan 2018 12:06 - +33
My therapist told me something when my dad died that I think might apply here, too. You never have to be “okay” with something; you just have to learn to live in a new reality. On some level, I was so scared to feel good again after my dad died, because I felt like that would mean that I was okay with him dying. But that’s not what it is. It’s seeing that moment in time as a turning point, and then learning how to go forward from there. This moment is a turning point for you, and for your daughter. You just keep being there for her, and you’ll both learn how to go forward together in your new reality.
14 Jan 2018 12:08 - +30
You’ve done all the right things. Helping her find the right therapist she feels safe with will be a huge next step for her. In the meantime a therapist for you to talk through all this may be helpful too. And a Mental Health First Aid course could provide you with more tools for being a support for her in the future. Wishing you and her all the best. [Mental Health First Aid](
14 Jan 2018 13:04 - +30
25F here. I attempted suicide at 18. You did not fail her. Believe me, we're good at hiding things. What I can tell you is that healthy people don't try to kill themselves. Your daughter is sick and needs medical care, so you were spot on getting her to the hospital right away. This is going to be a long journey for both of you, but healing and peace is possible. I encourage you to seek therapy on your own. Something that was difficult for my support group and I to wrestle with was how angry and hurt they were with what I had done. Seven years later and I am still confronting the reality that I hurt my friends and family deeply when I tried to take myself from them. *Now is not the time to address any confusion or hurt you have about what she did with your daughter.* But those feelings, if you have them, are valid and are worth working through and a therapist can help *you* as you help your daughter. My last bit of insight is that mental illnesses lie. For me, it's Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. These illnesses make me believe things that are not true - that I'm worthless, that something terrible is going to happen, that no one loves me, that the world would be better off without me. Those thoughts are the ones that went through my head before I tried to kill myself and those thoughts had no relation to reality at all. My parents and I had and have a great relationship. I knew and know they love me dearly, but my illnesses *lied to me.* So please, do not take her actions to mean that you have failed her or have not loved her enough or been there enough. If she expresses to you clearly that you have hurt her some way (which I doubt, based on your representations), then obviously take that into account then. But please do not read that into her actions, because I'd be willing to bet my last dollar that her thoughts in the moments leading up to you finding her had no relation to reality at all. I wish you both peace and healing.
14 Jan 2018 14:12 - +29
I just want to say that inpatient and residential care saved my life, but I couldn’t have done it without my parents. I was hurt and angry at my parents, but really it was all those pent up emotions. You did really good, you have a safe space, you were rational and you made the best decision for her in that instance. Even afterwards that pain doesn’t really go away, but inpatient gives you the tools to handle it and deal with all sorts of things, it makes you stronger. I want to wish you and your daughter the best of luck. Ps: group therapy really helped me along with my regular therapy. It’s worth checking out.
14 Jan 2018 12:07 - +25
Sorry to hear. I almost teared up from this post. Everyone that's posted so far has had great advice, but I'll suggest something most others aren't. You also need to fix your own addiction problems. I won't mention the details because you deleted the post I'm referring to, but your addiction is likely affecting your daughter. You sound like a great dad, but you need to cut that shit out.
14 Jan 2018 12:29 - +24
Child services worker here (Virginia, USA). She's going to have a lot of trauma and NEED fairly intensive counseling. This might be embarrassing for her, having everything out there - that's likely why she hid a lot of this in the first place! But very, very necessary. It's important to find a counselor that she is comfortable with. I would suggest some sort of home based counseling - if you have Medicaid, this should be fairly straightforward to connect with. Feel free to PM me if you need help locating resources in your area if you are in the US. But most importantly - you DID NOT fail her; kids, especially teenagers who have been traumatized, have a hard time talking about a lot of this stuff and it stays very hidden. Continue to be there and support her and let her know you love her no matter what; that's going to be very important. Hold space for her and let her know that you're there and present. Definitely look into some sort of support system for yourself as well - you're going to have a lot of stress on yourself, and a lot of things to coordinate, and you need to have someone to talk things through with as well. You sound like an extremely concerned parent who really cares about his daughter. You might have some CPS involvement. Likely they will be investigating the friend's relative, or the police will. Support her with this and just encourage her. Keep visiting her, have a plan for when she is released. You're doing an amazing job, and this is hard stuff.
14 Jan 2018 13:59 - +23
Hi. I was raped repeatedly when I was in middle school. Then again in college. The hard part is this. You can’t fix it. You can’t hug her tight enough to make it go away. You can’t take away the nightmares or the flinching. But you know what you can do? You love her. You remind her every chance you get that you still love her. That she is still beautiful. That she is not broken. She is your daughter. Nothing has changed. The worst thing you can do is treat her like a doll. She’s fragile, but she’s strong and she needs you to see that. When I was assaulted, I cried. I had panic attacks. I didn’t understand. I blamed myself. I broke. Let your daughter know that you are in her corner 1000 percent. If people talk about her, stop them. Don’t tell family members unless she gives you permission. My mom told my entire family and it made it that much harder to recover. Do not bring religion into it. Do not make her see a bishop or pastor. It will ruin her, I promise you. Religion has no place in recovery. She needs to rely on herself to heal. She needs to learn to trust her instincts and forgive herself without spiritual intervention. My parents forced me to meet with a bishop. He told me it wouldn’t have happened if I had just prayed harder. That destroyed me. To this day, I cannot walk into a church without feeling uncomfortable. I’m an atheist. For several reasons but that definitely contributed to it. Watching your daughter will make you want to break. Don’t be afraid to hold her and cry with her. Let her know that you will always be there, no matter what. If she asks for a day off from school, let her have it. Take her for ice cream. Realize that it’s hard to cope with people watching you and that sometimes people are too much. You’re doing great by being her her favorite things. Does she have a stuffed animal she loves? Or a jacket? Can you give her a T-shirt of yours to sleep in? I still have my dads old T-shirt and I sleep in it when I get sad and my husband isn’t home. I’m 21. And I’m still healing. It’s hard. But it does get easier. I promise. I started to self harm after it happened in sixth grade. I covered he scars with a tattoo. I tried to kill myself three times. Clearly I wasn’t very good at it. I’m thankful for that. Therapy will help. But if you daughter is not comfortable with the therapist, it will do more harm than good. Make sure she likes and trusts the counselor. Ask if she wants you to go with her. Respect her decision. Get her interested in things again. She will find it hard to enjoy the things she used to. It might be hard for her to spend time on things she used to love. Encourage her to go back to her hobbies and interests. Have her write out a list of ten coping strategies. Have her keep a rubber band around her wrist. If she feels stressed, have her flick it. Sometimes physical pain is the best way to get out of a panic attack. You’re a single father. Talking about sex with your daughter has got to be uncomfortable. But if she wants to talk, let her. Be open. If she decides later she’s ready for sex, she might come to you for permission or advice. Do not shame her. I started avoiding sex and physical contact after I was raped. Some people seek it out. The second time I was assaulted (about a year or so ago), I started trying to seduce my boyfriend. I wanted memories of him touching me to erase my rapist’s hands. It didn’t work. Make sure your daughter is doing it for the right reason if she comes to you with questions and uncertainty. I am so sorry that this happened. To both of you. Please remember that your daughter might flinch when you go near her. This has nothing to do with you. It is her brain failing to associate you as her father. She simply sees you as someone encroaching on her space. Your daughter will get through this. So will you. It’s going to be a long road, but it will have an end to it. Do not see her as a victim. See her as your daughter. See her as you did before. Be gentle, but keep things relatively the same. Do not treat her like she is made of glass. It will make her wonder if she’s broken. Treat her like a survivor. Because she is one. And she might need you to remind her once in a while. Hugs to both of you. If you have any questions, please let me know. I would be more than willing to share my story. ❤️❤️
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +23
Can I just say what an amazing father you are! You are doing everything right. Just be there for her and make sure she know she doesn’t have to go through this alone.
14 Jan 2018 11:58 - +18
As a loving father to my 7 year old daughter, I can't imagine what you are going through. You saved your daughter's life. Focus on her, as it would be normal to want to find the person who did this.
14 Jan 2018 12:38 - +17
March last year, I tried to kill myself, but a friend caught wind and alerted my roommate (now my boyfriend), and he took me to the hospital before I could hurt myself. I can only imagine how much if would have helped me to have a loving father like you stoke any ember of hope in my spirit, reminding me that there is a whole world outside the ward, and that I belong in it. You're doing exactly what you should be, and I applaud you being so proactive and dedicated as a father.
14 Jan 2018 11:57 - +16
I know it doesn't seem this way now, but you should look at this as the best day of your life. What I mean is, be grateful you weren't 2 seconds too late. Your daughter is alive and that is something to be grateful for. Personally I have struggled with suicide myself. In full disclosure my mother found a suicide note I had left for her and my father prematurely just last week. I had planned to kill myself on my birthday but my mothers meddling stopped that. Just know that your daughter doesn't really want to die, she just feels like she is out of options. Know that it's probably nothing you have done or can do to cause or prevent this. But your loving presence and constant companionship will be your best contributions. Besides getting her to a psychiatrist who can get her started on some medications that can temporarily balance her until she is able through physiological resolve to deal with what has happened on her. I am sorry you are sad, but I empathize with your daughter much more and I know that she is even sadder. Please give her a hug and I will keep you both in thoughts and prayers. I am sorry.
14 Jan 2018 13:51 - +16
I literally went through almost the same exact scenario. My daughter at age 10 was left in the care of my ex’s boyfriend years ago and was molested. I never knew until she was sixteen when she attempted to overdose. I had gotten full custody years before and thought I had saved her from something like that ever happening. I had told her that no one is allowed to touch you where your bathing suit covers but she was young and scared and left alone with a terrible person. I destroyed myself financially fighting for custody and eventually won only to find out years later I had failed at protecting her. As we sat in the emergency room I broke down. She spent 7 days in a psychiatric hospital and started counseling immediately after. Today, she is about to graduate high school, just got accepted to a major university to study medicine and by all accounts is happy and functional. I say all this do you know there is hope and life can be normal again for you both. You are in a crappy period but it will pass and you both can be happy again. Be there, support her, love her and give her space if she needs. I think the best thing we found for her was a very young female counselor so they were almost like friends as opposed to sitting across from an adult. My thoughts will be with you and I hope you find peace.
14 Jan 2018 12:30 - +15
Remember that suicidal thoughts are just the brains way of solving problems. When you put your hand on a hot pan, your brain does it's best to stop that as quickly as possible. When there's emotional pain your brain does the same thing. It pulls back and if that doesn't work it scrambles for other solutions. You absolutely did the right thing. If she went into diabetic shock you'd take her to the ER for insulin. This is no different. I hope you both do better soon.
14 Jan 2018 12:00 - +15
Please make sure the inpatient facility is safe and that she is receiving good care there. I was placed in a state institutions where many abusive patients roamed the halls and sexual assaults were reported. In addition to making sure that she is safe when in a hospital, please also ensure that she receives good trauma-centric therapy for her sexual abuse. Many mainstream therapists will overlook the traumatizing experience of being physically violated, which can be subliminated in the body as physical pain. I know this and have many symptoms of fibromyalgia, because my therapists always opted to treat my psychic pain with drugs, instead of substantial therapy which helped me reframe my traumatizing experiences. Drugs can help sustain a person through a difficult situation, but only real human compassion and empathy will help her be able to overcome what has happened to her. People turn to suicide because they feel they aren't understood and can't get help anywhere. Frequently people commit suicide while not thinking straight, in dissociated states including derealization/depersonalization. These states of complete hopelessness are brought on by feelings of social exclusion and psychic stress which cannot be vented or given an outlet. It is good that you are keeping your daughter safe, but please realize that in addition to keeping her safe you *must make her feel understood and/or accepted as much as you can offer*, and I highly encourage you to seek out therapists who specialize in sexual abuse, trauma, perhaps EMDR. Many state inpatient facilities do not have the resources to provide the comprehensive your daughter needs to heal as fully as possible, so please continue to investigate your options into the future. I'm not sure what measures you have already considered, but this is what comes to mind to me based on much personal experience with trauma and suicidality in the healthcare system, and what I found helpful. Thanks for taking care of her <3
14 Jan 2018 12:20 - +12
You did not fail her. The fact that you got her to love you again for stopping her. And the fact you care so much about her to go to all this trouble means you DID NOT FAIL. I suggest getting higher help. It would be extremely useful. Also, you need to look into getting a lawyer and filing rape charges against whoever did this. Someone like this deserves imprisonment or death imo. He/she has destroyed a small part of your daughter forever.
14 Jan 2018 11:45 - +12
You've done an awesome job so far man. Don't let it make you feel awful, as it's not your fault. I'm pretty sure we all go through some horrible times where it seems like there's no other way out. Hard to predict something like that. Don't have any real advice here, just wanted to say that you did the right thing and a good thing! I hope you both feel better in the long run and she gets well soon!
14 Jan 2018 13:19 - +11
Therapist who treats trauma here. You both can and will get through this, provided you BOTH get competent help. Competent help is a therapist you trust, and/or medication, and/or group therapy, and/or whatever feels right for you. You will need your own support too. Edit to add: It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong here. Just keep telling her how much you love her and want her around.
14 Jan 2018 13:25 - +11
I hope that you'll get to read my comment as I just took a suicide first aid course. First let me congratulate you on calling 911 and reaching out for professional help. That was a good call. Not all do the same. You shouldn't blame yourself for not noticing changes in your daughter. The warning signs are not always apparent and it takes someone objective that is not part of your every day life of see it more clearly. This is why it is good that you reached out for help. You can't carry all the load. It is important that you are upfront with the language that you use. Don't try to mask her suicidal behaviour by avoiding the phrases of "killing yourself", "taking/ending your life" etc. This opens up honest dialogue and let's her know that this is not an embarrassing period of her life that must be hidden under the rug. That talking about suicide is welcomed. Covering it up won't make it go away. Be there for her. If she wants you in the room, do that. You don't have to speak and fill the silence in the room. Your presence might be enough for her at the time. Your brain right now is in solution mode. Take your time to ask her questions to know her train of thoughts. Ask her questions about her story and how she feels without jumping to "finding a solution". You want to figure out, WITH HER, the specific reasons why she would like to live. Don't assume that it will be reasons like family or friends. She might find reason for living in seemingly unimportant things for you, gor instance in her books. The answer might not be so obvious. Don't blame yourself for not being able to stop all suicide attempts. There ARE limits in stopping suicide behaviour. You are human. You need to sleep at some point. You may have other obligations and you will not be available 24 hours of every single day. Acknowledge these limitations and have help lines posted on places that are easily accessible. Reach out to parents under the same situation thought community support groups. Suicide should not be an embarasing topic and I am glad your reaching out for help I wish you and your daughter the very best!
14 Jan 2018 12:38 - +11
I'm someone who would work as a nurse where your daughter is now staying. Stay calm and positive. Someone has to. And it has to be you now. Try to be there as much as possible, but not too much. Stay at the hospital as much as you can, but also give her space. Walk away every once in a while and stay in cafe for a while.. Giving her time to process things.
14 Jan 2018 12:28 - +11
You didn't fail her, you're doing exactly the right thing. I'm a dad like you. I have a trauma disorder and tried to kill myself November 25th of 2017, the day after Black Friday. I went through inpatient care and then graduated to an intensive outpatient care program for the following six weeks. I'm posting because I want to tell you that your girl has a bright future. She is tough as nails and has a dad that loves her very much. You are getting her the care she needs and together, through your resolve, you will secure a bright future for her. As long as you both keep fighting, the odds are in your favor. Every one of my wardmates who suffered abuse, rape and worse fought hard and found success with the help of inpatient and outpatient therapy. I am not going to pretend to understand what is going through your daughter's mind or your mind right now, but I want to assure you that she can live a better life with the help of treatment. I cannot recommend strongly enough the value of intensive outpatient therapy as a follow up to her time in the psych ward. It will likely take 3-6 weeks but is worth years of regular counseling. Ask the practitioners at the hospital about this kind of program and they will point you in the right direction. Follow that up with regular individual outpatient counseling for maintenance - for both your daughter and yourself. What happened to your daughter was cruelly unfair, but she is tough, you are tough, and you can get to a better place. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you. You are there for each other, are taking the right steps now and will get in front of this.
14 Jan 2018 11:40 - +11
You did everything right. Just be there for her. Listen to the doctors and especially listen to her. Best of the best to her and you.
14 Jan 2018 13:08 - +10
You did the right thing. My parents ignored my pleas for help at 17 and continue to act like my mental illness doesn't exist to this day. After my family ignoring my talk of suicide for 6 years, I tried to slit my wrists at 25. I have tried to commit suicide twice since then. Eventually I ended up getting electroconvulsive therapy. If it weren't for my best friend/husband, I would not be here. Her emotions are all over the place right now. Continue to listen, show her unconditional love, and take her seriously. You are a good Dad and you did the right thing.
14 Jan 2018 11:49 - +10
I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. Years back I was at that point and ended up going in to a psych ward temporarily. I never attempted but it was running through my mind so often that I couldn't function. I was sexually abused as a child and raped as a teenager but this was when I was 26 and I wouldn't draw a direct line between them so I can't speak to that part of her current experience. I was in the ward around a week and was put on anti depressants and anti psychotics. I felt like a zombie but my mind was clear enough to feel like i wasnt a risk to myself. I was able to gradually recover and was able to come off the anti psychotics in a couple months and the anti depressants a few months after that. My parents had an incredibly rough time with it but their support and unwillingness to give up on me made the difference. Life hasn't been perfect for me since by any means but the rapidity with which it is possible to get back to functioning and being able to enjoy life from that hopeless state where it seems like recovery is impossible can be astounding. Every person and situation is different in this respect but there is hope. Feel free to message me if there are any questions you have that you think I could help with. I think you're approaching this the right way and the type of relationship you have with your daughter sounds like it will help her be willing to use your help to aid her healing. Good luck and try to keep your head up!
14 Jan 2018 13:37 - +10
This is going to be wayyyyy buried, but I’ll throw my hat in the ring, too: child psychologist here, specifically trained in child abuse & neglect, as well as trauma-focused therapy. You’re getting a ton of advice in this thread, and most is super helpful (and I’ll echo what a lot have said already—100% not your fault. It’s common for parents and caregivers to have that feeling of “oh god, how did I miss it??” So that gut reaction is *normal*. But keep reminding yourself that it wasn’t your fault for missing it, and you’ve taken ALL the right steps since finding out. Puts you right on the path to recovery. You’re a good parent for caring the way you do.). Also would like to say that every person responds to trauma differently, and kids can be especially resilient as hell. Sometimes they’ll even handle it better than adults do. So don’t necessarily see a bunch of comments saying that she’s going to be horrendously scarred and broken and have too much of that expectation for her. There’s going to be impact on you, her, your relationship, etc., but you’re the #2 expert on her. She’s the #1 expert on herself. Be there for her, with her, and support her as she guides both of you through recovery. I had a patient’s mother tell me (after completing therapy) that going through a very similar circumstance with her daughter was like “reading the book of your life and having the worst chapter suddenly shoved into your face so close that you can’t see anything anymore. It’s all you can think about, it dominates everything else. But with time and care, and some work too, eventually you can learn to pull the book away again and learn how to keep turning pages.” I like that image. Everyone has their own path. Acute therapy is going to be helpful for everyone. Maybe longer-term therapy, too. But it’s like a cut on your skin, as much as we would love instant healing powers, it’s going to take a bit. Again, you’re showing that you care already, so keep being supportive, keep breathing, control what you can in the moment, keep breathing, take it one step at a time, and oh, keep breathing. I have specific therapies that I know are good for this kind of thing, but I don’t want to recommend out of turn. If you have **any** questions, feel free to send a private message.
14 Jan 2018 14:12 - +10
I'm a student of Psychology so I have no grounds to offer professional advice but I would suggest seeking out a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist as soon as possible to help her cope, come to terms, and hopefully make steps towards healing herself both mentally, emotionally and physically (recoiling from touch, etc.). It is going to be a very long and painful process that will most likely never fully heal. The best thing you can honestly do is the above, plus supporting her as you already have. It's going to be an awful experience for many years, but you can save and repair as much damage as possible by just offering unconditional (positive) support. I am so sorry this happened to you and I hope the person behind it gets his or her deserved fate. Best of luck.
14 Jan 2018 12:20 - +9
It's good to hear you'll visit her everyday. I work in an inpatient psych unit for kids, and the effect of having someone come visit them is huge. I always feel for the kids who have shitty families or the parents just can't make it out, you can definitely tell the toll it takes on some kids
14 Jan 2018 12:25 - +8
I did three adolescent psych stays. The first time was voluntary, the second time was following a suicide attempt, and the third was against my will. She will thank you for this. You’re doing the right thing. When she is ready to talk about the rape, you should start the process of pressing charges.
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +8
I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. However,I can tell you, like all these all these other people, that when someone robs you of ever being able feel safe again (rape) suicide does seem like the best option. When you finally get the guts to do it, and quietly, only for someone to catch you in the act and then force you into help. It's angering. But not the end of all ends. In fact, it soon means a lot too you (when you realize it) that someone actually cares about you and your safety. She's still trying to navigate through something that will haunt her the rest of life, and will not always respond positively towards your actions of love. You just have to believe in yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for her right now. I'm so sorry you and her have to go through this. I promise it does get better. Keep fighting. Both of you.
14 Jan 2018 12:35 - +7
For whatever it is worth, I have worked as an administrator in a psych hospital for years and I am also a private practice therapist. If I can help you navigate this next few weeks, I am happy to. Parents and family have to be very proactive while their loved ones are in there. I can help answer question and give you advice on how to cut through the BS bottom line though— you are doing everything right!
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +7
Understand that if you took the time to intervene and stop her, take her to the hospital, look up resources, and ask for advice, you are ahead of the game. You are doing all you can at this point. Make sure you get in contact with the people your hospital social worker hook you up with. I repeat: you are doing the right things, and you are not at fault here.
14 Jan 2018 13:03 - +7
I can’t bring myself to read your post right now, but I was in the same situation as your daughter. It took me a few years to truly get it together, but now I’m about to go to nursing school. I have a wonderful long term boyfriend, have a good relationship with my parents, am taking care of my health, holding down a job, and I have a great cat and rabbit. It will get better for her, and you. Best wishes to your whole family.
14 Jan 2018 14:08 - +7
You absolutely did not fail her. You did exactly what a father is supposed to do. I was admitted to a psych unit when I was 13 because I had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and kept saying I was going to kill myself. One day, after another incident, my mom drove me to the hospital and had me admitted. When it comes to my personal experience, it didn't get better right away. It was a long haul. But slowly, things got better. There will probably be bumps in the road and steps backwards, but I promise, that if you and your daughter put in the work, it's going to get better. The fact that your first instinct was to research what your daughter is going through, tells me that you are an amazing father. My mom did the exact same thing, and it meant so much to me. I 'm grateful everyday for the fact that my mom saved my life, and I'm absolutely sure, that in time, your daughter will be too.
14 Jan 2018 14:07 - +7
I am a 31 year old woman and wanted to write you from my own personal perspective. My mother saved me from killing myself years ago when I was only 12. I was in 7th grade at the time and very depressed and suicidal. My father is an emotionally abusive asshole and he picked on me and tormented me the most because I was the youngest. My Mom found my suicide note as I left it on the table. She stopped me. She sat me down and was there for me. She would NOT leave me alone. I hated her for it. But it worked. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. How could you possibly know? Parents CAN'T. KNOW. EVERYTHING. ALL. THE. TIME. FOREVER. It is NOT your fault. Just being there is ENOUGH. Trust me. It really is. YOU SAVED HER. That is all that matters. In time she will realize that and she will thank you for it. Just give her time and she will see. My mother and I have a really good relationship right now and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here right now. You are MORE than enough. You really are. You are a great dad and you REALLY care. You actually give a DAMN and you LOVE your daughter. More than my dad ever did and I am truly jealous. You are a real MAN and I am proud of you. I really truly am. You have my respect. You deserve it. You have more than earned it. You are an amazing person and you did everything right. EVERYTHING.
14 Jan 2018 13:09 - +7
I have a great relationship with my parents yet they don’t know I was almost raped when I was 14 and nearly suicidal last winter. As a daughter, sometimes we put up a front in front of our parents because we don’t want to break their hearts. So no, you didn’t fail her. On the contrary, you supported her even when that meant she’d be angry at you for a bit.
14 Jan 2018 14:08 - +6
You didn't fail her. You were there when she needed you most, don't ever discount that. You did good.
14 Jan 2018 14:05 - +6
I lost my bff to suicide in 2009. My daughter was raped in May. I didn't find out til June. She was cutting herself. Blaming herself. Not quite suicidal, but on her way. We are going to therapy, shes staying with her dad so she feels safe, and once we convinced her it was no ones fault but the criminals that hurt her, it got just a little easier. Please know you aren't alone. Neither of you. And cut any victim blamers right out of your life. I've found I'm really benefiting from counseling too. I was blaming myself without realizing it. *internet hugs* Just FYI for anyone: Victims/Witness Services can help with counseling, relocation, and other referrals /services (states vary with services/eligibility, but they've really helped us here in CA). The crime had to be reported, but we didn't have to press charges to be eligible (but we are)
14 Jan 2018 13:51 - +6
Hello sir, I'm a psychiatric counselor and I would highly recommend that you seek out therapy sessions with an LCPC, LCSW, PsyD or LMFT for yourself as well. What you witnessed your daughter go through can rub off on you and traumatize you in the future. Always remember to take care of yourself even when you're worried about others. I'm sorry to hear about your story, hope everyone gets the help that they need.
14 Jan 2018 13:00 - +6
>What else do I do? Continue being a solid father and decent human being. Thats it. Don't go down the self pity and guilt road. You weren't there a month prior so you couldn't have stopped anything. You were there this morning. You saved your daughter's life. Don't ever forget that. I've seen a few people mention Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR), I haven't had experience of it myself but from what I've read it is very good at treating trauma.
14 Jan 2018 13:10 - +6
Crisis lines aren't just for someone who is suicidal: they're for anyone who needs to talk and is in crisis. If that's you, you can call mine: +1 317 251 7575. If there's something I can do for you, PM me.
14 Jan 2018 11:58 - +6
Sorry to hear man. She is safe now. She will be evaluated, assessed, monitored, and treated in the next several days. The beginnings of trauma-focused therapy will be initiated (may still be too early). Discharge planning begins on the day of admission and will develop through the course of treatment. An interdisciplinary team will discuss her case and include you and her. When the team feels that she is ready she will be discharged to a less restrictive environment (probably home) and will follow-up as an outpatient (either intensive outpatient or bi-weekly/monthly visits) to see a therapist and if on medication, a provider (NP/PA/DO/MD). A safety plan with protective factors and steps to take during a crisis will be spelled out to you both. Good luck and speedy recovery. This too shall pass and you both will be stronger for it.
14 Jan 2018 12:45 - +6
As a father I am absolutely devastated for you.....if you own a weapon give it to a friend as you haven't hit the anger stage yet.
14 Jan 2018 13:12 - +6
Being inpatient is going to be extremely traumatic on top of the rape trauma but unfortunately it was necessary for getting her crisis care at the level she needs. Once she's released she's still needs intensive care for the trauma and might need to do a partial day therapy program that allows her to work on herself before she transitions back to school full-time again. Give her as much normalcy as possible. She didn't do anything wrong (re: the rape) so avoid the temptation to make new rules that end up acting as punishment or imply that if she followed by these rules that she wouldn't have been raped. I strongly recommend that you talk about how to approach this with her therapist and get a therapist that's used to working with rape survivors. I recommend EMDR therapy as well as trauma therapy to handle the possible PTSD from her rape.
14 Jan 2018 12:47 - +6
Contact the RAINN Network for support and advocacy services. And depending on your location, there may be victim advocacy services that assist families of sexual assault victims.
14 Jan 2018 12:17 - +5
I was raped when I was 18 by 6 men and it took me 4 years of blaming myself before I realised it was their fault. I blamed myself and hated myself for purely because I never knew anyone who went through the same thing and didn't reach out because I was embarrassed. Finding someone who had been through the same thing was honestly the best thing, besides finding Jesus. It is soooo so common (which breaks my heart), but realising that I wasn't the only one helped me so much. You don't realise that when you are going through it yourself. You think your world is crashing down and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you feel like no one understands. Hopefully your daughter will connect with someone in there and they will help her work through her emotions. She may be angry now, but one day she will be more than thankful for your actions. You seem like a wonderful father, I am so sorry that this is happening. Feel free to let her know she can message me if she likes.
14 Jan 2018 12:30 - +5
I have a daughter and reading this broke my soul. I’m sure you’ll know what to do for her because your relationship is strong. Sadly, I’m a very violent person when injustice occurs and I know I’d be doing all I could to stop myself from crushing that motherfuckers head with a bat and doing god knows what else to the bastard. Please don’t let anger get the best of you. That’s my advice. If you decide to go the other route no one would blame you but try not to because she’s gonna need daddy’s love and strength to get her through this. She’s going to need the comfort that only you can provide as she won’t trust another man for quite sometime. If you do want him wrecked dm me.
14 Jan 2018 14:01 - +5
I'm a survivor of sexual assault too. You didn't fail her because you didn't notice, you couldn't have known. As the daughter of parents whose method of dealing with my rape, suicide attempt and other traumas and issues I've had in life was to sort of pretend it didn't happen, make light of the situation and expect me to "move on", you're already doing so much. 1.) You're going to visit her every day with things she loves. 2.) You're looking into a therapist. 3.) You're actually educating yourself on trauma and suicidal ideation to better understand what's going on inside of her. Honestly, you're doing everything you can. I'm so, so sorry this happened to her. The following points are just based on things my family didn't do, and I wish so fucking much they did: 1.) Tell her you love her. Tell her that she's not damaged goods, in whatever words you can think of. Tell her that she's going to be capable of love, and she deserves to be loved. What happened doesn't change that. 2.) Let her grieve, if she needs to. Everyone experiences trauma differently, but it's not uncommon to feel like a part of you has died or is gone when you've been violated. That's okay too. Assure her that while she may have changed and can never go back to who she was before she was assaulted, it doesn't mean she can't still be happy. 3.) Give her time. As much as she needs. I don't know how old she is, whether she's around the age when she needs to decide on what she wants to study later, but if she is: Don't push her. Don't tell her to make a decision anyway, if she says she doesn't know. It's okay if she delays everything by a bit. 4.) Ask her what she needs from you, how you can help. Be loving, nurturing, caring - but don't suffocate her, and if she needs space you need to give it to her. I can't imagine how much you're hurting too, and being pushed a little away at a time like this might feel awful, but this is vital: You need to respect her boundaries. She will also need to be alone with her thoughts sometimes, to process. That's okay too, it doesn't mean she loves you any less. 5.) You might think it's obvious, but you need to reassure her it's not her fault. And it's very important that you make it clear that **you** don't think it's her fault. No matter what she says, and ESPECIALLY if she starts to have trains of thought where she tries to blame herself. This is the one thing where you can't give an inch. I don't know the circumstances, but they're irrelevant. She didn't want it, so it's not her fault. It's that simple. Even if she didn't fight back. Even if she froze up in shock. Not. Her. Fault. 6.) If she does want to talk about it, listen. Even if it's painful, or awkward, or anything. She'll talk a lot to her therapist, but she might want to tell you too - looking for extra assurance that it's not her fault, that she's redeemable, whatever. Just listen and be there. Probably best to not ask, just let her talk (if she wants to). 7.) I personally started getting very angry and bitter with myself, and constantly compared myself to my peers who didn't "needlessly lose time" by taking a year off, etc. If she ever feels the same because she needs time to get back on her feet, tell her everyone's life is different. Nothing is lost, she doesn't need to compare herself to anyone else. Everyone has their own path. Sorry if this got a little long. And this is for you: It's not your fault. You couldn't predict this, you couldn't stop it. You are doing so amazingly. You can get through this, with her. And it's okay if you let her know you're not okay, that you can't keep it together sometimes. It's okay to be vulnerable, and acknowledge that what happened to her was life altering. Because it was. But there is still life after it - for her, and for you. Based on your post here, you're an amazing Dad. You two are going to make it through this, just keep being the loving, caring father you already are. I'm wishing both of you all the best, stay strong. EDIT: One extra point, that also probably is obvious: Don't make light of her suicide attempt. My mother told my father about it by saying "oh she had a little issue with some pills - you know, taking a few too many". I was dead to the world in my room for over 24 hours, and took enough pills to down a horse. So yeah. "Little issue" indeed.
14 Jan 2018 13:12 - +5
My family took in a young woman last year who has PTSD from sexual assault as a child and in college. She was in inpatient psych on a 72 hour hold before we met her, and she said that the worst part was that no one was there with her (her parents are abusive and her brother are too young to know about it). The fact that you're going to be there while your daughter is in the hospital is probably the single best thing you could be doing. She knows she has your support now, which is a huge thing when so many victims are afraid of being blamed (or blaming themselves). I will say that the woman we took in has severe issues that seemed hopeless at times, and it's not always forward progress, but she has made a lot of strides over the past 6 months. Your daughter has a hard road ahead of her, but there is hope. She can get past this. You haven't failed her, you saved her and gave her a chance to do just that.
14 Jan 2018 13:08 - +5
Remind her that where she's at now is not where she will be forever. Go to see her every day even if she calls and says not to. Be involved in her care while she is there and look at outpatient care for after she leaves. Show her that your love for her has not changed, that you support her and will always be there in whatever capacity she needs.
14 Jan 2018 13:02 - +5
You saved her life, the most precious gift. You were there exactly when you needed to be. You are not the one that failed her and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over not noticing. Depression is a silent illness and it’s not easy to see. It twists the world, life, and everything in it into something awful and I’m so sorry your daughter is suffering. Whoever did this to her should be held accountable to the fullest extent. Talking with professionals will help her process the trauma and pain she’s feeling and work toward her best self again. Being a strong support system will bring some security back to her. Set her up with a Dr. she likes and feels comfortable talking to that she can keep working with. Get her some mace and maybe self-defense lessons so that she doesn’t feel helpless when you can’t be there. Talk to her about what she needs and feels, depression, suicidal thoughts, everything. She may want to talk or she may not, but don’t be afraid to ask questions. I wish the best for you and your daughter and I’m grateful she has a dad like you. I hope that she is able to take this horrible period of her life and use it to grow into an even stronger woman. And having lost several loved ones to depression/suicide, my best advice is **Never stop telling her how much she is needed and loved and how much better the world is with her in it. That she is not alone, no matter how she is feeling at that moment.**
14 Jan 2018 13:18 - +5
Former psych ward resident speaking up. It was fucking terrifying. I won't deny that. You have to come face to face with some real shit, and there's no way to avoid it. I came out the other side a far more stable human being with a new lease on life. It's hard as hell, but she'll make the best of it. Have faith. She's gotten through more already than many will have to face in their lifetime. Trust her to make the best of it. There's obviously a lot of love between the two of you, and that's invaluable.
14 Jan 2018 12:01 - +5
It's good that you have time to process things away from her. It's really important she knows you're there for her and care about what happened without letting her think this is fucking you up. My mom handled my assault in a way that made me feel responsible for her feelings and mine. I ended up pushing mine down because I was worried about her. Make sure you have a trusted friend or therapist to talk to for yourself and keep seeking advice like you are now. It's ok to be scared and it's ok to be angry. It's ok for you to feel exactly however you feel right now. This is an awful thing. Remember that trauma like this has stages just like grief over losing someone and those stages get mixed up and pop up even when you think that part has passed. These stages can affect you and her. They will affect you at different times and in different ways. That's ok too. I'm so sorry she's suffering and I'm so glad you were able to get her help. Keep reaching out, there are always people here to talk to and comfort you. Strangers can make for excellent sounding boards in times of trouble.
14 Jan 2018 12:09 - +5
You did great!
14 Jan 2018 13:51 - +5
Hello, mental health professional here. There are a number of great comments here regarding the great job you've done so far and providing good advice on how to best help your daughter. I'd like to take a moment to address something that isn't as obvious but is really important: get set up with a counselor for yourself. In this situation you're also going through some very complex emotions and having someone who can help you navigate them is important. You may not need them long, and it may primarily be an opportunity for them to check in on how you're dealing, but it's important for you to be mentally healthy to help her be there too. Please don't hesitate to PM if you have any questions. I've lost a loved one to suicide, and have also worked with individuals dealing with suicidal ideation, so would be happy to help answer those questions.
14 Jan 2018 14:00 - +5
This will probably get buried, but I wanted to put my two cents in. Make sure she knows how much you care. It sounds like she does, but inpatient and mental health crisis in general skews a lot of emotions. When I was hospitalized in high school, I felt like my dad was mad at me because of it. He was always talking to the nurses or doctors when he visited and I barely got to spend time with him. About a week ago, almost 5 years later, I found tons of papers in a folder in my parents’ attic. It was my dad’s “notes” from my hospitalization. He had researched every medication, treatment center, and therapy possible. Turns out, when he was off talking to other people during visiting hours, he was asking opinions or advice about the things he’d researched and calling the insurance company to see what we could afford. It wasn’t chance when we happened to land on just the right drug and therapist after discharge, it was my dad’s incredibly comprehensive research that did it. I could have never done it without him.
14 Jan 2018 13:19 - +5
Hey, I went to an ER after attempting and after that went to intensive outpatient group therapy. It was four hours at a time, three days a week. It didn't cure me but I'm no longer a danger to myself. Most likely the ER will only discharge her if you agree to bring her to a program like that. I had no choice but to do it.
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +5
You are amazing! I am so sorry for your daugther and what she has to go through. Your thread made me tear up because now I truly know there are fathers like you supporting their daughters, something I've never had. Keep doing what you are doing. She will be grateful for you forever.
14 Jan 2018 14:05 - +5
You did NOT in ANY WAY fail her. The only way you could have failed her is if you ignored the signs. You didn't. If you want an example of a parent failing a child, see below: I was repeatedly molested as a child. Something I hid from everyone because I was afraid. The "person" doing it to me threatened to kill me and my mom if I spoke up. I was 4. Fast forward 10 years, and it finally comes out in therapy. I was 14 and confused, and depressed, and when my therapist told my mother, she denied it. She still to this day denies it (I'm now 34). I have been admitted several times over the years into inpatient therapy. She calls it my "attention grabs". You did everything right. You didn't miss the signs, she hid them. What is important now is that you deal with it. She will have good days, and bad days. There will be days that she will not be able to function, and days that you would never know anything happened. It is all part of the healing process. The only thing you can do is what you are doing right now: be there for her, and encourage her to work through it and not bury it. She will withdraw from the world. Let her withdraw, but not so far she can't come back. Continue to support her, and let her know she is loved. Don't ever insinuate that what happened was not a big deal, or that you don't believe any part of it. It will destroy her. There will be times when all she wants to do is sit and cry. When someone you love is hurting like that, the first instinct is to fix it. I'm going to be blunt. YOU CAN'T. Being her dad, you will want to take the pain away. You can't. She has to deal with it, or it isn't real. Resist the urge to fix it, and just hold her and let her cry. Let her know you love her, and just let her feel whatever she needs to feel. I know this is a lot of don'ts, but this is my perspective from my experiences. What I wish my parents would have done. However, everyone is different. The biggest thing she needs is her dad. Just be there, and she will get through it. If you (or she) need someone to talk to about it that understands because they've been there, please feel free to PM me. If what I went through helps someone else not feel so alone, it makes it a little easier to take.
14 Jan 2018 13:23 - +5
Keep in mind that there will come a day when this is all behind the both of you. It's going to hurt, you're going to do and say the wrong things. It's not going to be pretty. Between here and there, you'll find tears and anger and screams and the kind of hurt that will leave scars on your very soul. But at some point, she will overcome this. Because the alternative is to be forever broken by it. And you can't let that happen. This will forever be a part of her. And of you. Know that now. Stare that fact in the face, that the very word 'rape' will forever be waiting buried beneath your skin, ready to explode when somebody makes a joke or says it lightly. You are about to be a ticking time bomb cliche for the word "triggered." But at some point, this won't define you or your daughter. Right now, all that matters is that you hang on tight and love your darling baby girl with all your might. I'm asking you to be broken, but still be strong for her. Know that you can't fix her. You can't make it all okay, no matter how much your soul is screaming right now. You can't punch your way through this. You're being faced with a series of clinical decisions, and you need to make them. But recognize that there's more to consider beyond them. Recognize that the damage she is dealing with now has changed her from the child you raised. No matter her age, you have to treat her like an adult now. And know that no matter how angry you are, no matter how much it hurts to watch her suffer like this, there's not a damned thing you can do to make it any better. This is her personal hell to find a way out of. Her success or failure over the next 20 years is ultimately up to her. There's not a goddamned thing you can do about that. But you can hold her hand while she finds her way. That's all you can do. Embrace that role now. Hold her hand and love her with all your might. Support her in every weakness and folly. Be the kind of man you always wished you could be. Be a fucking rock. That's your job now. That's your purpose. Show her what a man is. What a father is. Even if it isn't the you that you see in the mirror. Stare that mirror down until the reflection becomes the man she needs you to be right now.
14 Jan 2018 12:27 - +5
You did the right thing, you're a good dad. Having been both sexually abused and suicidal, it's amazing how well a person can keep their shit together until they can't. You're here for her now, that's what counts. Don't go to jail for killing the motherfucker, she needs you home.
14 Jan 2018 13:04 - +4
I am so sorry she, and you, are going through this. I had to admit my only child to an inpatient psychiatric hospital a couple of months ago for suicidal ideation with a plan and intent to carry it out. Worst night of my life, sitting in that waiting room for hours, wondering who the hell I was signing my kid over to, going only on the recommendation of our therapist for choice of facility. Visit every chance. Stop by daily with toiletries, a book, anything she is allowed to have, even if you can't visit (the program my kid was in only had 2 days a week with visiting time). It will be so hard. So fucking hard. But it's where she needs to be. I have a friend who shared with me her own experience years ago, and said that even though she was really resistant at the time, she got the help she needed and ultimately benefited. Same with my kid. It was only a couple of months ago, and there was no assault, just depression and anxiety. But it's so much better, now that we're actively working on there issues, it's named and out in the open. If they have a partial hospitalization program for after the in patient, do that if you can. She can spend nights at home, and based on the Dr's input, even alternate days there and in school. That transition really helped my kid. PM me if you want to talk. As parents we are so prepared to protect our kids from anything, but nothing prepares you for the helplessness of protecting them from themselves. So much love to you both.
14 Jan 2018 14:10 - +4
With all the advice everyone has offered, I'd just like to add that you should bring her some games you can play together. Board games, card games, etc. They help a lot.
14 Jan 2018 12:53 - +4
One of the first thing the mind does after serious trauma is to recreate the world as safe and normal. Part of this process is to attempt to convince people around the person who has been traumatized that all is well. By hiding the whole thing, one has a semblance of control. So you have done *nothing* wrong by not somehow knowing it. Nor does her not telling you about this speak to her relationship with you. The biggest thing you can do, based on my own experience, is to hold very clearly and firmly to a distinction between her *being* crazy and *a crazy thing happened to her.* It may be difficult but remember that this precious person whom you love can still think clearly and for herself once this desperate moment has passed. Being suicidal can be a very normal reaction to trauma. Afterwards can be a very healthy hinge moment too, so long as its taken by the suicidal person as an acknowledgment that they cannot get through this alone. From what you've written, you are already doing great. Keep at it. Oh, and one stupid thing that happened to the traumatized person I know who tried to hang herself, remember to never say "hang in there." It's a more common phrase than you realize so be mindful.
14 Jan 2018 12:48 - +4
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I was forcibly admitted to a hospital after suicide attempt and it really helped me. A lot of people look down on mental hospitals as being more traumatic than helpful, but being given the time and space to focus on myself helped me break out of the suicidal spiral. I just wanted to give you a positive perspective that your daughter is in the right place and things will get better.
14 Jan 2018 12:45 - +4
You didn't fail her. You saved her. You got her to doctors and other professionals who can help her. I am sorry this happened. It is scary. But be gentle with yourself. Good luck, OP.
14 Jan 2018 13:08 - +4
She's going to need, most of all, to know that you love her and aren't disgusted by her. She's going to feel guilty, angry and confused. But since you know she has half the battle won. My parents went to their graves ever knowing about my rape. I had a had time ever looking into my father's eyes again.I couldn't bring myself to tell them. You're going to need to be strong but you need to take care of yourself too. I am so sorry this happened. If you need to talk you can send me a PM.
14 Jan 2018 13:29 - +4
I had to do a very similar thing for my now ex-girlfriend for similar reasons. She's doing great and pursuing a master's degree. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
14 Jan 2018 13:15 - +4
You did the opposite of fail dude. You saved her life.
14 Jan 2018 14:11 - +4
You sound like a pretty great father and you did the right thing. I feel absolutely terrible for your daughter, but the best thing you can do right now is just be there for her, which you seem to be doing a good job of. Things like this aren’t easy to recover from, and it may stick with her for the rest of her life, so make sure to hear her out if she ever needs to talk about it. It sounds like a very scary situation that you’ve handled well. I wish the best for your daughter.
14 Jan 2018 14:10 - +4
You did the right thing. When I was at peak depression/suicide, I wished someone had just scooped me up and forced me to do in-patient. You’re on the right track. As a single dad, finding her a female role model, someone who she can trust like a therapist but also just hang out with for “older sister” / “mom” kinda questions. You got this, and thanks for being such an awesome dad.
14 Jan 2018 12:26 - +4
My mom drove me to the in patient psych unit at my request because of the exact same scenario. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never forget how lovingly she agreed to do it, without tears, and stayed with me until she couldn’t any more
14 Jan 2018 12:13 - +4
You did what you had to, and despite the piain you're going through this is whats best for her. Stay strong.
14 Jan 2018 14:06 - +3
u/pinkrunner9696 Listen here, last september I went through what you are going through. Exact same situation, except the person was my wife. I can tell you this, it is going to be extremely hard on both of you, but your daughter will come out on the other side of this better. My wife thanks me to this day for bringing her to the ER on that night. Seriously though, PM me, and i can talk to you as someone whose wife was raped by a relatives friend. I can tell you how my wifes hospital stay was, and if your daughter needs someone to talk to, let me know, my wife is open to talking to people to help them out, as it helps her to talk to others about the experience.
14 Jan 2018 13:02 - +3
I stumbled upon this from the popular trending subs/posts and the first thing I have to say is, “Holy shit”. To start off with, your daughter is so freaking lucky to have you. Obviously she’s going through shit and you absolutely did the right thing. I’m a realist so I’ll not sugar coat this. Healing from this sort of thing is unfortunately not a linear progression type scenario - there are always opportunities for relapse, and getting to a point where she’s better can be a multiple month or even year process. She likely will be prescribed some sort(s) of psych/mood stabilizing medications. Keep up with what the professionals tell you, and if they prescribe medications, make damned sure she takes them. Most psych meds take, on average, 7-14 days to take effect. Some have NO affect until this time, others have minimal effect until they’re in the system that long. Never STOP a medication, especially cold turkey, unless told otherwise by a physician. It could literally result in dire consequences. If something is not working after 14 days (or the suicidal thoughts return/get worse on a medication), make another appointment with the prescriber. Sometimes psych meds are hard to get right, so you must keep on top of it. If you’ve not already, you need to get the police involved. If the rapist did this once, THEY need help as well. They also need to be off the street so what they did to your daughter doesn’t happen to anybody else. Your daughter and you sound like you have a close relationship, but it also sounds like you maybe need to work to make it even closer. She needs to feel not only comfortable in letting you into her room, but into her life. She needs to be able and be confident enough to bring this stuff to you immediately, even if it’s something she considers embarrassing. One of the things that needs to happen as an outcome of this situation is to foster the feeling that she can bring ANYTHING to you without judgment. It’s not something you must accomplish on your own. You still need to do some ground work, but the therapists should also emulate this sentiment as well. Be hyper vigilant from this point forward - you must be prepared to recognize the signs of her having issues in the future (changes in behavior / mood, giving away worldly possessions, withdrawing from you or society, etc) so hopefully therapy can start sooner and you can avoid institutional settings. Your daughter will likely have a bit of a change when she comes out, and that’s ok. Make sure she keeps up with classes, give her structure, but don’t be overbearing - she needs the chance to be a kid, still. Finally, I’m so freaking sorry you have to go through this. I simply cannot fathom this situation with a daughter, and am going to leave you with one final thing - I have a piece of me that believes in fate, and yours was to walk in before anything happened. You were there for a reason, and your daughter is alive because of it.
14 Jan 2018 13:35 - +3
I’ve personally attempted suicide multiple times. You have to be there for her. I think she fears your reaction and also thinks nobody can help her. You’re doing a great job. As a father I know this is as hard on you as it is her. Just be there for her. I really wish I could help more.
14 Jan 2018 12:30 - +3
14 Jan 2018 13:05 - +3
You are such a wonderful, loving father. You are doing everything right. I had serious depression and suicidal thoughts in high school and eventually went to my parents as a last resort, and we decided together to bring me to the ER. From there, I was admitted to an adolescent psych ward for a week. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I would not have made it through without the support of family. They visited me during visiting hours, and I called them when I was able. I unfortunately did not receive the help I needed in that hospital (my state in particular has REALLY shitty mental health care), but one positive experience I gleaned from it was feeling firsthand the never-ending love and support from my parents. Yes, DEFINITELY get her a therapist, and maybe even a psychiatrist, too, if medication is something you or your daughter want to consider. The right meds can make a world of a difference, just don't be discouraged if it takes a little while to find the right combination. Tbh, I suggest even you seeking therapy so you can cope healthily with this startling event. This will hurt for a long time. But you have each other, and boy, is she lucky to have you. Best of luck to you!!!
14 Jan 2018 13:17 - +3
It's gonna take a toll on you too if you keep blaming yourself. When I was suicidal, I didn't like it when people were telling me that it was their fault why I was feeling what I felt; it made me feel like I now had to attend to *their* feelings too aside from my own. What helped were friends who did everything they can in their power to make me laugh and make sure I was rarely alone. I'm pretty sure there were moments when they've had enough, but they pushed on. I have never been in your daughter's shoes, because my cause for being suicidal was different. But what you're doing is already a step in the right direction; you seeked medical professionals (I wish my parents did), and you're already making a promise to visit her every day. Emotional support - that's all she needs for now. Though you need to understand that she's gonna have fits every now and then, and you have to be there. Even though she'll seem like she'll push you away, that's when she needs you the most. Lord knows I love all the people who stayed with me when I told them all to leave me alone. I wish my dad did what you're doing when I was suicidal, but he's a stubborn old bigot, and I was 22 when it happened.
14 Jan 2018 14:00 - +3
I've been admmited before. It's terrifying and you feel like an alien, but you have to remind yourself that these are real people around you. You are there to get better. Maybe I drank the punch, but that's how I made it through it
14 Jan 2018 12:30 - +3
You are an amazing dad. You are doing the right thing for your daughter. When I was young, I had severe manic depression. My drug cocktail was not helping, nor my therapist. I was so depressed and I begged my parents for help. They turned the other way and my dad was completely opposed to it. Every time I went for appointments, he felt this was unnecessary and that I’m fine. I felt alone and no one was helping me, in my family. Then one day they finally took me in when I said, “look, I need help or I’m going to die.” I was admitted and received amazing care. I was in the hospital for a month. They worked through my problems and my dad actually realized I needed to be there. They helped me become me again. I was actually starting to feel myself. I thank god for that place. I learned a lot from there. I found the right cocktail of medications for me and I was a new woman. I thanked my parents for listening. So thank you, for listening to your daughter and doing the right thing. She may not see it now, but you did a lot for her by taking her in.
14 Jan 2018 13:02 - +3
I was sexually assaulted by two guys I barely knew when I was 16 after blacking out on pills and beer. My parents called the cops because I never came home. I am, so, SO glad they did, because if they hadn't, I don't think I would have had the courage to tell anyone what happened. You've already given her such a gift by taking that terrible choice away from her and putting it into the hands of the authorities. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm 26 now and closer to my dad than ever. Look into rape treatment centers, as they specialize in therapy for victims of sexual assault. You didn't fail her. You sound like an amazing father. You'll both get through this.
14 Jan 2018 12:00 - +3
As someone who's sister is bi polar and mother has PTSD believe me when. I say you didn't fail her you did the right thing. She needs help and the hospital can give it to her. Things can get better but they take time and hard work. Get yourself into therapy, you're going to need it. It's okay to feel defeated. Let yourself feel what you need to and then move forward. The most important thing for you to do is get help for yourself and continue to get your daughter help. Hang in there man you're doing as well as can be expected.
14 Jan 2018 13:20 - +3
As a victim myself it's not something that is easy in any way shape or form, make sure she has the right therapist(s). I can't attest to how this is affecting your daughter but one thing that helped me was going to a group therapy for emotional regulation. I hope you're doing well and know that you didn't fail her. I personally didn't tell my parents for a long time and it's something that women are supposed to be ashamed of. She most likely didn't want you to know. It's all hard and we are here for you. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
14 Jan 2018 12:02 - +3
I might be able to add here about the hospital part as I spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital following my talk with a school councillor after I told him that I thought about killing myself everyday for months. The councillor called my dad and he left work immediately to come and get Me. He took me to the psychiatric hospital and wee cried in the car together. I resentful at first for making me go, but honestly I'm extremely grateful for the time that I spent there and getting the help I desperately needed. She's in a bad place now, and she may stay longer than you expect but honestly your support means a lot to her. Being understanding, willing to listen and loving will help her tremendously and strengthen the bond between you two. The hospital sounds more scary than it actually is, and once that's over encouraging her to find a therapist who works welp for her is a must. I am so sorry for what you both are going through and I hope this was helpful.
14 Jan 2018 13:55 - +3
You didn’t fail her. I hope someone finds this piece of shit, he will get what’s coming. I assume you might be the one who does it, but don’t. She needs you to be there for her.
14 Jan 2018 12:05 - +3
Please don’t blame yourself at all. She didn’t know how to tell you. The emotions from this sort of situation are so difficult to comprehend and nearly impossible to communicate. I love my dad so much, so I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him what was going on and the extent of my depression. But after it all came out, having my dad there beside me when I was being held after an overdose was so comforting. Healing hasn’t been easy, but once my dad knew, I knew he would get me the help I needed. He’s always been in my corner, and I am so appreciative of him and thankful to be here. You sound just as concerned, loving, and dedicated as my dad has been. The two of you will get through this. I promise you and and I promise her, it gets easier. Sending so much love and support to you and your daughter.
14 Jan 2018 14:00 - +3
I struggled with depression for about a year and a half. In that time, it went from an annoyance that had me in a bad mood every once in awhile to a chronic illness that kept me up at night, literally praying to God to make it stop. It got bad enough that I considered suicide as a means of escaping the tremendous mental anguish I was experiencing. I never made an attempt at my own life, however. I consoled myself enough through the first month of my antidepressants (which, because of my age [16], my medication caused my condition to intensify over the first month I was taking it) to avoid taking this drastic action. Today, I am proud of the struggle I overcame, and the pain I experienced is not something I would wish even on my worst enemy. However, I feel it is important to note that my struggle was not caused by a traumatic experience. My mental illness was caused by a hereditarily inherited chemical imbalance in my brain, which caused my neuro-receptors to not communicate with each other properly. Fortunately, a daily dosage of Prozac was able to correct these imbalances. This is the case with many people, but not with your daughter. Your daughter suffered because of a traumatic experience - one that caused a psychological response. When experiences like this are buried in a person’s psyche for a long time, they begin to affect our brains even worse than they did before. After I went through my condition and was more comfortable discussing it with people outside my family (and even within my family), I began to hear stories from parents like you, who thought that they had failed their child in some way. There is no more reason to think that you failed your daughter by not knowing than to think that you failed your family by not knowing the winning lottery numbers. There are unfortunately very few signs of depression that one can notice before the condition advances to a point where the person’s life is in danger. You didn’t fail your daughter, because there is no way you could have known. Depressed and suicidal people are unfortunately very good at hiding their condition, because our society has a negative view of seeking care for mental illnesses. I will never understand this logically, but I can understand this from the viewpoint of a person with depression. I went about a year before I ever admitted that I had a problem that I needed to be treated for. Never think that you failed your daughter. Be proud for what you were able to do for her, and knowing what to do in that situation. You made all the right calls, and did all the things that I hope I would be able to do for my child if it ever came to that. Your daughter is so incredibly lucky that she gets a chance to recover and be happy again because her mother stepped in and saved her life before it was too late. I will be thinking about you and your family.
14 Jan 2018 12:07 - +3
The one thing I can say is you are going to think about this person who did this to your daughter and all the things you would like to do to this person and even if during this whole thing the cops seem like they are taking too long and you are getting fed up. Just take a step back and always think about your daughter. This situation is the worst situation yes but it would be a whole lot worse for her if you weren't with her cause you decided to take matters into your own hands.
14 Jan 2018 12:58 - +3
My dad found me at home after I had been raped and stabbed. I know he struggled for a long time and I’m sure still does with the trauma of seeing his daughter like that. You are doing everything you can for her, just make sure you remember to take care of yourself too. I wish you both the best.
14 Jan 2018 12:10 - +3
You’re both going through such a difficult time. The hardest part for me and my child was that neither one of us had been in that situation before yet for some reason we had expectations and demands of each as if we had. Once we realized that it was a first for both of us we backed off, knowing that even though we did not know how to handle the crisis we knew we both wanted the healing to begin. Remember that neither one of you have the answer but the two you can work through it together! I wish you peace.
14 Jan 2018 13:03 - +3
I know a bunch of other people have said it already, but you absolutely did the right thing. You sound like an amazing and supportive father and I’m so sorry that this has happened to your daughter. As far as what to do now, you could look into a police report over the rape, but that’s something I would ask your daughter about. I hope the asshole who did this to her gets what they deserve.
14 Jan 2018 12:12 - +3
You've been through a lot, and you aren't out of the water yet, but you haven't failed her. She is alive. You are doing your best to find answers, and seek help. You arem't running away from this. As long as you are there for her, to help her through this, you haven't failed her. It's going to be hard. Make sure there is someone who can take care of you too. You will both get through this.
14 Jan 2018 13:12 - +3
I work supporting people who have had multiple suicide attempts. Don't be afraid to ask things like "Are you thinking of hurting yourself? Are you thinking about suicide? Do you have a plan?" And try to remain calm when talking - many people think a lot about it even without plans to die. A lot of recovery it is learning how to cope with large challenging emotions and how to keep safe and feeling safe. Therapy will help with that. It is NOT your fault if she didn't want you to know. As for your own learning and research, maybe contact your local mental health agency and ask about training they offer to support people. And this link had a good book list
14 Jan 2018 12:17 - +3
You are not bad father at all. Been through therapy with my oldest, he tried, because he was fed up with the constant bullying. He told us he had second thoughts - I wasn't aware of any of this until school found a note on his iPad (it's school iPad pupils loan for the duration). I felt like I had failed, hadn't spotted the signs sooner. Rang all support groups I could. One even told us they couldn't provide help unless he had actually done anything. He's much happier, sign himself off counselling weekly to walk in appointments. He's 13. I'm so proud of him. You will both get through this.
14 Jan 2018 13:26 - +3
You did not fail her. You are helping her. You are only human, you're not telepathic or all knowing. You couldn't have known she was going to kill herself. The important thing is that she feels supported, loved and she knows to seek help should she be that low again. You clearly are very concerned and have thought of nothing but being awesome to your daughter. You're educating yourself! And you risked her anger to to do the best thing for her! You can't protect her from everything, even if you feel you should. Keep being there for her! Leave no doubt she can always come to you.
14 Jan 2018 12:19 - +3
As a teenager who's in a very similar situation right now, you're an amazing dad and you give me hope.
14 Jan 2018 13:45 - +3
Former psych ward patient (suicide attempt) here- psych wards can be really, really scary. Encourage her to be vocal about her ward mates, especially if they do or say anything that makes her feel unsafe. I won't get too anecdotal here, as every ward experience is different, but I wanted to share at least a piece of it. Encourage her to participate in group activities and to be brutally honest with the therapists there. For me, it was absolutely liberating. The ward was scary, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It put a lot of things in perspective and made me realize that I was extraordinarily blessed, despite the trauma I was experiencing. Best wishes- and SO MUCH LOVE- to you and your daughter. This horrible, awful storm will pass.
14 Jan 2018 12:43 - +3
You’re probably thinking about how you two will overcome this, but consider it no coincidence you found her and were able to help her in a time of crisis. Sometimes people get so desperate they simply don’t have the words to ask for help and their pain and suffering becomes almost like a tunnel they simply can’t see out of. It’s not a reflection of your parenting or your relationship.... She will overcome this and so will you- give it lots of time, patience, and continue to reach out for help whenever you need. I survived suicide and have been admitted before as well. You will both survive this and you’ll really wonder how you did. Stay strong. Regarding therapy: seek trauma therapy with emphasis on ptsd and I’d look at Someone who can do emdr with her)
14 Jan 2018 13:58 - +3
Hey dude, you didn't fail her. You're a great father. Do not EVER doubt that. Please. I'm a random but please, don't doubt that. You're the father she needs
14 Jan 2018 12:54 - +3
Something others haven't mentioned is be sure to get information about support organizations and services in your area. The people at the hospital should be able to get you started. You want to be there for her and that's fantastic, you're a good father. However be sure to seek out help yourself, if you need it (advice, psychological, legal, etc), from people whose job it is to help survivors and their families. She doesn't have to go through this alone anymore because you care, and remember that there are people who care about people like you, and you don't have to go through it alone either. So sorry this happened to your family, wishing you the best.
14 Jan 2018 14:00 - +3
I'll keep this short OP, but please read. I worked with a kid and his family years ago. The kid seemed bright and happy like a typical semi-popular early 20s guy. At one point he came crying to his parents that he felt so bad and wanted to kill himself. They were all a little scared so they brought him to the hospital. I don't know the exact details of what happened here but it wasn't enough. Two weeks later he was found dead hanging in his closet. I'm assuming the hospital will have her evaluated by a psychologist (the one who prescribes medicine) and refers to a psychiatrist (the therapist). While this is probably a good start, there is a lot more to mental health than pills and therapy. You are so lucky you found her. The hard part is now you need to stay with her and make her understand she is loved and supported no matter what happens. You will always be there to love and help her, and she always has choices. You're doing a good job Dad, just keep being there, and talking to her and being involved in her life.
14 Jan 2018 12:58 - +3
You’ve definitely made the right decision for her. If she is able to deal with the trauma now, it will save her from carrying it with her and the trauma causing irreparable damage to her sense of self worth. Rape victims often feel guilt, which is why it’s so hard to tell anyone, whether it be family of friends. My advice as a young women would be, if it was me, I would want my dad to be there to love me and support me without making me uncomfortable by asking me for any details about the rape until I am ready to share them (if that day comes). Your daughter is lucky to have you, and I wish you both the best.
14 Jan 2018 14:14 - +1
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