Instagram account about a person flipping off random fish

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17 Apr 2018 02:30 - +1373
I used to flip off my Betta fish every time I came home. He loved it. I haven't had another fish since he died, because I know that no other fish will ever hate me as much as Eric did.
17 Apr 2018 00:58 - +1192
Lost it at 'pucker-fucker jackpot'.
17 Apr 2018 00:58 - +277
17 Apr 2018 01:15 - +173
I liver several hours from Catalina. Maybe I should go flip off some fish.
17 Apr 2018 01:53 - +107
Why I hate the Sunfish So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. This is the photo:
17 Apr 2018 02:24 - +89
Instantly followed
17 Apr 2018 01:16 - +77
"Hey! Save me a piece of that corn! Save me a piece of that corn for later!"
17 Apr 2018 02:56 - +22
17 Apr 2018 01:15 - +18
17 Apr 2018 03:12 - +12
17 Apr 2018 02:08 - +6
17 Apr 2018 01:58 - +6
this would be a lot funnier without the text, if it was just images.
17 Apr 2018 04:23 - +6
What's Cranch?
17 Apr 2018 01:31 - +5
I came in hoping to see more pics of this guy flipping off fish. But why? What's wrong with me?
17 Apr 2018 01:19 - +5
Only thing funnier than flipping off one fish is flipping off a whole pucker-fucker of fish
17 Apr 2018 04:49 - +4
Literally everyone's useless talents pay better than my college degree these days. Thanks Instagram, for somehow instilling a sense of inferiority in me even though I don't use you.
17 Apr 2018 03:15 - +4
I followed an account once because all they posted were fire hydrants. Now they're a sports photographer and I feel betrayed. I mean good for them, but still.
17 Apr 2018 01:25 - +4
Repost Edit: here’s the link
17 Apr 2018 03:13 - +3
17 Apr 2018 08:02 - +2
I don’t know, but this is actually kind of amazing.
17 Apr 2018 04:43 - +2
17 Apr 2018 05:28 - +2
assbass I'm crying dude
17 Apr 2018 03:58 - +2
Lol those hashtags
17 Apr 2018 05:48 - +2
#allthewords that got me.
17 Apr 2018 06:49 - +2
I feel like karma is about to be like, "WHAT'S UP?! I'M A GREAT WHITE SHARK, BITCH! GIMME SOME O' THAT LEG WHITE BOY!"
17 Apr 2018 06:33 - +2
This is dumb as fuck
17 Apr 2018 04:22 - +2
Absolute madlad
17 Apr 2018 06:36 - +2
#falsesenseofsecurity is my favorite hashtag
17 Apr 2018 06:46 - +2
17 Apr 2018 02:36 - +2
Look at "flipping off my roommate" and "rotating middlefinger"
17 Apr 2018 04:39 - +2
>allthewords That's it folks, we no longer need hashtags. We've done all the words. Edit: Well this was an epic failure. Quoting the hashtag didn't show up right at all.
17 Apr 2018 05:26 - +1
The more I look through the account the less obscene the gesture feels
17 Apr 2018 04:54 - +1
I've actually been following this Instagram page for almost a year now
17 Apr 2018 05:43 - +1
What an odd person
17 Apr 2018 05:37 - +1
17 Apr 2018 05:46 - +1
Hey I follow that Instagram....its alright
17 Apr 2018 05:15 - +1
17 Apr 2018 06:00 - +1
Omfg ass bass 😂
17 Apr 2018 04:36 - +1
Dude, this account is pure genious. I can't stop laughing !!!
17 Apr 2018 06:01 - +1
17 Apr 2018 04:42 - +1
I do the same thing except with cats
17 Apr 2018 06:15 - +1
Fr fuck those fish
17 Apr 2018 04:57 - +1
And now I got another page to follow. This is what I’ve been missing in my life
17 Apr 2018 06:18 - +1
What... That's not normal?
17 Apr 2018 05:17 - +1
Just what I needed in my life
17 Apr 2018 06:18 - +1
Videos in this thread: [Watch Playlist ▶]( VIDEO|COMMENT -|- [IT'S A FAHCKIN TUNA BRO! Part 1 & 2](|[+4]( - You missed out on this. Haha IT'S A FUCKING WHALE [Dog Hates Being Flipped Off...Hilarious! UNILAD](|[+3]( - You? [Puffer Fish Gets Pinched By Shrimp Then Goes NUTS](|[+1]( - Hope the fucker gets bit. Fish have dignity. [FUCK YOU DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! ](|[+1]( - I'm a bot working hard to help Redditors find related videos to watch. I'll keep this updated as long as I can. *** [Play All]( | [Info]( | Get me on [Chrome]( / [Firefox](
17 Apr 2018 04:36 - +1
I came across an Instagram account where they post the same picture of red Crocs every day.
17 Apr 2018 04:39 - +1
Reminds me of an episode of Southpark. "FUCK YOOOOOU, FISH!"
17 Apr 2018 04:38 - +1
Read the comment in AvE's voice.
17 Apr 2018 05:24 - +1
This dude either loves fish or he hates them.
17 Apr 2018 04:39 - +1
I read this as flipping over random fish.
17 Apr 2018 04:02 - +1
Talking mad shit behind that glass man, let’s dump you in that tank n see how long you last
17 Apr 2018 04:52 - +1
17 Apr 2018 04:09 - +1
Been following him for a year. His content is stellar and he does not discriminate between fish. They all get the finger. He's also responsive to comments.
17 Apr 2018 04:57 - +1
Left flipping hand is weird.
17 Apr 2018 04:15 - +1
Okay, sure, that may seem a bit random and rude, even uncalled for, but in all fairness, you know.. Fuck fish
17 Apr 2018 05:03 - +1
17 Apr 2018 04:19 - +1
this is the kind of humor i live for.
17 Apr 2018 05:15 - +1
How do you know they were random? Maybe he called ahead and asked to meet him there.
17 Apr 2018 04:33 - +1
Best Instagram account ever. The creator is pretty funny and comments quite a bit.
17 Apr 2018 05:23 - +1
Reminds me of that character in the hitchhikers guide series who was a slaty bored immortal who resolved to hunt down every living being in the universe and call the a twat in alphabetical order. Arthur Dent encounters him at a point where they are a couple hundred million years in the past, then run into him when they return to present time (hundreds of millions of years later) when he insults someone else who's initials are AD.
17 Apr 2018 01:11 - +1
17 Apr 2018 05:24 - +1
17 Apr 2018 02:08 - +1
17 Apr 2018 05:36 - +1
Hope the fucker gets bit. Fish have dignity.
17 Apr 2018 02:25 - +1
I tried to double tap your upvote. Take it.
17 Apr 2018 05:37 - +1
17 Apr 2018 02:49 - +1
how about flipping off one verry specific fish?
17 Apr 2018 05:44 - +1
Somebody watches too much trailer park boys
17 Apr 2018 02:50 - +1
This is offensive to me.
17 Apr 2018 05:49 - +1
I've been following this guy for a while. I always forget I'm following him and once a month I'll get a good laugh scrolling through my feed
17 Apr 2018 03:10 - +1
Assbass. Heh
17 Apr 2018 06:01 - +1
I uses to have a Beta fish. I waited around *forever* for the stable release, but it never made it to the public.
17 Apr 2018 03:12 - +1
God it's either really awesome or incredibly wasteful being the top animal on a planet with so many means to survival you go out of you're own habitat to remind the other animals that Belong in that habitat "fxck you"
17 Apr 2018 06:12 - +1
Tried to hit the like button Twice
17 Apr 2018 03:25 - +1
Instantly subscribed! My girlfriend who is a diver and has a degree in coastal and marine management is not impressed :D
17 Apr 2018 06:16 - +1
17 Apr 2018 03:37 - +1
Now that's just mean...... xD aha
17 Apr 2018 06:18 - +1
I didn’t believe it, but lost my shit when I saw this was real! 😂😂😂
17 Apr 2018 03:51 - +1
There's another classic like this with a dude flipping off mushrooms. [fuck_mushrooms](
17 Apr 2018 06:19 - +1
17 Apr 2018 03:55 - +1

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